I close my eyes and I can see the turbulent waves of the ocean. The surf is rough and looks and sounds angry. Grey in color to match the sky, I am hypnotized by it all. I can almost feel the strength of the tide pulling me out to sea as I watch myself watching the water from the safety of my hotel room, behind the glass of the window high above the earth. Is this a destiny I have yet to anticipate? The vision is clear and I can even smell the ocean. Where will I be going to witness this? Will it be today, tonight, this week? I know it will happen, but I wonder the time line. I am alone, in that room, that much I know as well. Better to live by myself and be happy, or what seems to be happy, than to be with others that make me doubt my every word or action. I am okay with myself this morning and I am going to be somewhere else soon. Will I be safe? Will I be okay?

Time was that I had dreams of being in love and living happily ever after. It never seemed like such a distant fairy tale before as much as it seems that way now. I am here to only care for myself and myself alone. It is my right and my choice to walk away from anything and everything that makes me upset or angry or hurt. People, it seems so much clearer to me, don't just want to be my friend, they want to have control over everything I say or do or feel. This is not for me. This was never for me, as a child or an adult. I am not about to let someone else come in to my life and take charge of me as a human being. I am fine on my own. I can make my own mistakes and brush my own self off. I do not need anyone to help me do this.

False promises and broken hearts are all I have to remember this past year on. My memories are my own and I will not share them with anyone else either. They are mine and mine alone. I have no need to drop anchor in them and idle in the waters of misfortune, nor do I want to speed away from them, leaving a wake of recklessness behind me. I am just going to coast by myself for awhile.

It has been a very long while that I dared to go and travel alone. I have been so caught up in the movements of him that I completely forgot about myself. I can be anywhere, I can be anyone. I can live through the day without having to have a drink and without crying. My life is still here. I am still alive. I need not be so blindsided by the pain anymore.

Today is Friday, the day I have been waiting for. Today I am in control of everything. Today is my future and not my past. I am strong and beautiful and I can do anything I want. I can go anywhere I want. Today is my destiny.