I think my life started to really to fall apart on me when I came home from France in 2004. I was so deliriously happy when I was there and then it all began to dissipate soon after landing back at Newark. The absolute thirst in my body to remain so high on life commanded my very soul to collapse in despair when it all started to go so terribly wrong. I know what did it, I know who caused it, I am ready to face the truth of all that despair right now. I can't turn back the clock, none of us ever can, but I can go forward in the truth of who and what was really to blame.

It was me. Myself and I. I believed in the power of love so forcefully and brutally, I caused my own demise. I am almost ready to go now. Free of everything once and for all.

I remember everything like I just saw the movie yesterday. Our car was parked at his office in Irvington. the guard stopped us at the gate when we began to pull out, Roger had to go in and sign our names into a log for a dinner cruise his company was hosting about two weeks ahead , he did, we left and drove to Atlantic City and made love. We were home, I was in love and life was finally everything I had always read about. Then we had to drive back here to Long Island.

It didn't take long to for him to change his perception of me. At first I truly believed he fought it off, remembering making love to me on the beach everyday in the Mediterranean, maybe actually having serious and real feelings for me. Whatever, there it began, the slow mental collapse of an acute mind and a wonderful relationship.