Okay, I've been reading what I wrote over the last few days and I have come to a conclusion, while it can not be right or wrong because they are my feelings, some of the entries are a little harsh.

The simple truth is, I spend alot of time and energy durring any day thinking of Roger.  I suppose I am romantizing the good times and not concentrating enough on the bad ones. I realize, for my better mental and physical health, I need to stop doing that.

I haven't been feeling well lately, I sleep alot, like yesterday I fell asleep at 6:30 and am just now waking up. I have a long day today. I mention this only because it has become clear to me also, that my stress level has increased even though I am good at hiding this and it has started to take it's toll on my body.  I had wanted to accomplish a great many things yesterday, while I had the time, but I accomplished nothing because the fatigue was so great.  Today I will be busy from morning to night and the same for tomorrow. I am hoping it will be benifitial to have such a scheduele ahead of me, and I will be able to stand up to the demands of my efforts. I seem to get tired very quickly these days.

I don't remember any of my dreams from this last long and deep sleep, another signal to me that my body needs rest in more ways than one. It is amazing what your body can tell you if only you listen to it.

I still pray for him and my family and my friends. I have some people out there who need help and are reluctant to get it, always wanting to play the victim and never looking at who they really are or what they are missing in this lifetime. But, I am only one person, I can only pray for them, I can do no more. Roger needs prayers to understand himself and to understand and accept that  the pain he causes to others, not just to me, is detrimental to his well-being as well.  I believe when he does that he will be a better person for it. And, of course, I pray that he misses me. After all, I am only human, and the heart wants what the heart wants.

Enough. Have a long day today, take care my friends, take care my Beautiful Roger, I hope you are reading these pages, I hope you are understanding my words the way they are meant to be understood.