Although the day is grey with fog and rain outside, I am still holding on to hope. Yesterday's brilliant sun didn't touch my face as I was engrossed with legalities and preparations for an upcoming trial. When I came home from the city I was so mentally exhausted I slept until this morning. Sometimes I feel I am swimming upstream and never reaching shore. I called him last night before the bliss of dreamless sleep took over and of course he didn't answer. I left a message to tell him what I had accomplished on my own. I sounded pathetic. Why won't he even talk to me, what did I do so wrong or is it that he is just so narcissistic, he only hears himself ? I am at a loss, but it is out of my control. He is gone again, living high on other people's money and his own damn lies.

I am still hurt and yesterday's emotional relapse into the past didn't help to bring me closer to the end than it did to resurrect the pain of all I have endured. How I wish this would all come to an end quickly. I was never one to cope well with adversity. The stress of this is going to kill me.
Yet, I have to deal with this all over again come Tuesday. And Wednesday. And next week as well.

I guess that's it for now. I have to start my day and move on for just today. Say a prayer for me, my friends, I need them now, more than ever.

Ciao for now.