Today is the first Sunday in May. The rain is soft and the air is damp. I awoke this morning and found myself reading my horoscopes with an enthusiasm I haven't had for awhile. I read more than I had wanted and they all started to blur into each other. I guess I'll have to go back later and read them again.

Well, I didn't win the mega millions lottery on Friday, probably because I forgot to buy any tickets. (That would've helped, right?) No, so I am still no more better off financially than I was on Thursday, or last week, for that matter. I am still struggling to stay alive and not be consumed with the sadness that has come to be my best companion.

There is a once favorite song of mine that says, "If the phone doesn't ring it's me, I'll be out in the eye of the storm...If the phone doesn't ring, it's me, I'll be out with someone who makes me feel warm" I used to think it was about him not calling me, now I think it's about me not calling him. Whatever, it makes me feel better to think about it like that for now. So I guess all you intelligent people out there can guess what I am not writing about but am still conveying to you.

In any case, I do feel like leaving again. Some place warm and tropical would be really nice right now. Yet, I still have to wait for another day. I hate being patient. It gets boring really fast.

So just for today I will take it slow and easy and try to be good. My head and my heart still pray for all the people and things I want to have in my life, but I feel better now than I can let most of my burdens go.

And, just for today, I will listen to the rain and say me prayers in silence.