Good Morning, Sunday. Good Morning all things past and present. I have the gifts, wrapped and tied with ribbons for him, still sitting in my living room. He came on line yesterday and I suppose as soon as he saw I was online too, he logged off immediately. Pretty juvenile behavior for a 65 year old man, wouldn't you say? Well, I guess that's that again. So much for holiday cheer.

Will the good tidings ever come and fill my heart again? Will I have to wait forever to be loved again, this time the right way, the way I deserve to be? No one deserves this, no one. I don't care what I did that was so wrong. It isn't fair and it isn't right. I shouldn't have to judge myself by his approvals or dismissals, who is he anyway, just a man who is a sex addict, a liar , a cheat and a gambler.He actually operates an illegal gambling den in the downstairs of the home we used to share where all my things are quickly disappearing from. And I need him because why? If he wants someone else he can have them, let them feel the hurt that I have been feeling for so long, let them know the pain. It is not my job to save anyone else but myself. Besides, not everyone is as vulnerable as I am, so maybe they will see through him more quickly than it took me.

I would like a second chance at life and obviously it means living a life that doesn't include so many tears and so much pain. I repeat, no one deserves this, no one. Isn't love something that is supposed to make you happy and not sad, anyway?

I hate him so much right now, I feel consumed with it. He really stinks as a person. He truly is evil in so many ways. Where did he get that from? Certainly not from God. And how is it, he thinks he is always so justified in causing so much damage and grief? Will he ever get his?