Well, it's almost here. The ball drops, people kiss, champagne flows. Where will you be? Where will I be? As it turns out, I have to go into Manhattan tomorrow morning for a meeting on Park Avenue. The busiest day of the year for the city and I will be right smack dab in the middle of it. I have a little apprehension for this short journey, but I am trying very hard to see the forest through the trees on this. I will dress warm, only bring what I need and project a positive spin on the situation. I will not be afraid and intimidated by the madness, but resign myself to the fact that if I did not get into a such a funky depression last week, I would have accomplished this task then. I just couldn't imagine myself taking a ride from him and listening to his stories of what a wonderful weekend he had, while I was under the impression that he and I had already cemented plans in place. I couldn't bare to face him and be a prisoner in his car. Like other times before, it took me several years and talks with family and friends to realize that part of his "addiction" is to tell me of his conquests. And he did. Sometimes in graphic detail. I just couldn't allow myself to get so full of anxiety and jealousy and anger and then have to behave professionally with the lawyer I had never even met before. I couldn't mentally do it. So, I have come to an understanding with God and the powers that be, that I am supposed to go into Manhattan on New Year's Eve and since, I have done nothing in the last eight years on this date, I am destined to be courageous and journey out into the world for the mere fact that solitude and isolation and depression are not on my list this year to embrace on such an auspicious day. The powers that be would rather have me delight in the real world and not the fantasy world in which I have allowed myself to be reside in. Hopefully I will be back here, safe and sound before the real madness starts, but even that means to me that I will be home alone for midnight. I don't know if I want that again. My decision and my world. For right now I have to concentrate on paper work and formalities and getting what I desire out of tomorrow's meeting. I have to get a warm wardrobe together, and directions from point A to point B. So that's that for now.

I am wondering if he has read any of this blog in recent days or if he is just too busy with all his new friends. I still giggle over yesterday's prayer.

In case I miss tomorrow, Happy New Year to all.