I have had a few days of down time to completely veg out on the couch and do nothing but think through the prospects of my future.

Christmas is so close right now and I am still not ready to battle the maddening crowds and over baking that needs to be done. That I attribute to my lasting disappointment in all things him.

Tomorrow still something else I have no control over, nor do I think I even care anymore about.

I have to concentrate on getting out of this house and moving on with my life. The walls are starting to cave in on me again. I am feeling like a pawn in everyone else's desires of me. The phone can ring a thousand times, but there is only one call I care to get. (Well, maybe two. An offer from opposing counsel would be greatly appreciated right now.)

My choices are somewhat limited, but I feel a strong desire to keep them my choices and no one else's. By that I mean, I want to decide where I go and what I do on my own. I had a great dream last night that I had an apartment on the water, a party with lots of food and people and a cat. I like cats. I always did. It was nice, being on the water, being happy, everything about the dream was a nice way to wake up this morning. Even the dreariness of the day can't take that away from me right now.

On a more traditional note of staying with the original theme of this blog, apparently my mother took it upon herself on Sunday to call Roger and let him know how upset she was with him for amongst other things giving my furniture and jewelery away and by getting so defensive with me when I asked him where they were. Touche' Mom.

He called but I didn't answer. I still have alot of things over there and each day I feel like they are flying out the door. I really need to address the conclusion of this once and for all and then move the hell away from here all together. Maybe I should meet men on line like he does with his sleazy chatrooms and "business" trips. He is such a waste of space in my heart and my head.
Even now just writing this last paragraph tired me out.Why in the hell did he bother to come back into my life in the first place and fill me with hope again? Can a person really be that cruel?

Well, that's it for now, I might take his pictures down too, why do I need to keep looking at them everyday, right? They are so yesterday. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. He's not invited.

Caio for now, my friends.