It is very early on the morning of the winter solstice. The rain and snow outside have left the slush puddles in an enormous and obtrusive river to my front door. The skies hang grey and low and the feeling of merriment is far away. Christmas is almost here, is it not? Where is the joy then, I wonder? The lights seem to shine brightly on all the other houses in my neighborhood and are ominously bleak around mine. Will the sun come back before the 25th? Will the peace and good-cheer of the holiday season return and fill my heart with love? I pray on it.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SANTA CLAUS:

Dear Santa,

I would like to begin by telling you that I still believe in miracles. You have showed me this past year that I am a survivor, even in the worst of circumstances. You have given me the strength to continue when I was alone and cold and hungry. I now have a home again when I did not. Abandoned on the streets, I was grateful for the warmth of the season I was left outside, broken-hearted and frightened. I am grateful I now have a place to lay my head at night and food to eat. I still need some more help from you though and hope you get this letter in time. I am not asking for myself but for those people that have come and gone in my life that I still feel connected to. I ask for them.

Many years ago you brought into my life a man whom changed my outlook on love from one that was very dire to that which was radiant. You instilled in him the generosity of a hundred men and a heart filled with gold. And I was blessed with having him, even though the warm days and nights fell short of my desires, he was given to me to make my life better and he did. I ask that you watch out for him. I ask with extreme sincerity that you keep his choices simple and give him the knowledge that he lacks. He is a simple man in many ways, yet he complicates himself and the world around him with difficulties he doesn't need. He creates for himself more problems then he can navigate through and then becomes overwhelmed with his own decisions and falls back on vices that are not healthy.

He truly is one of the most amazing men I have ever met in this life and he deserves to know and feel that more than anyone else. In his lifetime, I ask you to bless him with everything good and beautiful. I wish him only the best for himself and his loved ones. Always.

I would also ask that you take care of friends that have come and gone. Perhaps there is no communication there anymore and there will never be again, but it doesn't mean that they are completely out of my heart or my thoughts. To them I ask for peace. I ask that they acknowledge in the morning what a blessing life really is and to keep their eyes on the simple miracles that God has bestowed upon them, not what they think they lack. Peace to them now and for always, for they need to rest in their hearts and count each day a minute at a time.

For my family I want them to have a better understanding of how lucky they are to have everyone still here and healthy. Rivalries that are years behind us, I ask that you remove from their conscience and give them the power of resolution and forgiveness. I would like for them all to realize that life is a journey that sometimes ends too soon. They need to forgive each other and start to love again. There are no perfect people in this world and family certainly falls under that credo and so to them I ask for kindness in heart and a gentle approach and the patience to acknowledge that we are all a gift to each other. There really is no better gift than the love of family.

To my friends that are new and seem to love me unconditionally, I ask for time. Time to explore the new foundations that these friendships have been forged under. Time to slow things down that they will be present in every moment of their lives and time to love all who need it back to health and life. They are gift upon themselves, so time for them to enjoy all the good they do.

As for me, I only ask one thing of you Santa. I need to understand more clearly the path that I am set here to follow. I want to understand the obstacles that are put in front of me and learn to navigate them more practically and with less doubt. I want to understand why people come and go in my heart and then come back again only to leave me once more. I want to look forward to today without having to second guess the past. Understanding why people do the things they do and if I should feel the hurt that they leave behind. I want to learn to love again with the purity and conviction you have shown me I was so capable of before. I have asked for more than I thought. Oh well, Christmas only comes once a year.

This is my Christmas list, thank you Santa.
\\

Merry Christmas to all.