It begins with a look and a smile and a passing nod. A gentle and non-chalant brush against an arm, it's all it takes. The subtle moves of a subtle man. The endorphins start pumping and the heart begins to race. A moment lasts a lifetime and the rest of the world suddenly disappears into oblivion. You look but you can't look away. Hypnotized and vulnerable and holding on for the next sign from the universe. Will it come?

I want that again. I dream of that again. The beginning and the promise to do everything right this time. The hunger you feel for the other person and the feeling that you can never get enough. That's all I want. I need that again. Is it so much to ask for?

Today is Wednesday, it has been five days. Innocent conversations have taken place and life goes on in it's usual manner. I am astutely aware of the fact that the clock is ticking and days are passing and I want to see him again. I begin to reflect on the days spent with him last week and wonder if I should have or could have done something different so that he would want to have seen me again by now. But, that is not what I am striving to be about any longer. My time has been well orchestrated and I have no regrets , only that longing, that desire. I want to go on a real date with him. I want to listen to music and dance with him again. Just like we have done before, but new again.

Sentimentality washes over me and even as I write these words I know what the future really holds for me. I know he is gone, and I am gone from his heart. He has three others that I know about. I need to explore new territories, I need to dance with someone else. Yet, those fantasies loom large in my heart and never seem to fade away. The promise of him is still alive and well in my mind. The dreams of exotic vacations and making love on the beach again flood back to me in all their glory. I am still needing him and wanting him to love me back.