Welcome snow and slush and sleet. I've been trying to find a picture I have of my mom's house after a snowstorm, but I just can't seem to locate it. It's really quite beautiful and would give everyone a chance to see what the evening has left behind. Early morning newsmen were out at different locations reporting school closings and dangerous roads, yet as I peer out the window, it looks harmless and calm. I am still relieved that I was able to go into Manhattan yesterday and not today, I would be there right now.

Three hours of straight drilling and intense questions. I was exhausted and famished when I finally stepped outside into the chilly evening air and reached immediately for a cigarette. Reliving the past hasn't been a favorite past time of mine and the sooner we were done, the better. Tears and anxiety clouded me throughout the late afternoon session, yet, they were very nice to me and guided me through with kind words and subtle gestures.

It is just after eleven am, last night I fell asleep at the same time, I awoke at 4:36, roughly two and a half hours later than normal. I couldn't fall back to sleep till almost 6:30. Dreams were strange and surreal and I attribute it to the stress of the day. Tomorrow is court. I don't know how I will feel, now being an observer after three years of litigating on my own. I really don't know if I even want to go, but something is telling me to be present and watch. Besides, Roger wants to go too, I only wish, with just a tinge of resentment, that he could have seen me in action in the courtroom while I was doing the work, and not now when someone else is. But, that is in the past and has to do with the lack of support and the emotional strength he has always provided me with without even knowing it and why his betrayal and dismissal of me was felt that much harder. I needed him in so many ways, he was, in my eyes, the only one I could rely on for anything. And this was so important to me and he was gone, having a great summer while I was alone, barely surviving at train stations and homeless shelters, still fighting this in court the entire time. But, he is here for the moment, I just have to take advantage of the present, since reality is that I have no idea when he will be gone again. I have since learned to rely on myself. Maybe not all that well, but more than I was able to last spring, that's for sure. And, I suppose, that's good thing.

So, for today, I think I will just do some work around my mom's house and stay inside and keep warm. I have no reason at all to venture outside and need a quiet day anyway. Tomorrow morning I have a meeting again at eight-thirty am. So, I think I'll just take this day for myself.

Ciao for now.