The evening chill is inviting as I step outside to smoke and clear my head of the cobwebs the weekend brought with it. The street is quiet for so early in the night and the silence is deafening.

Nothing good came of Saturday and Sunday. No promises made and broken, but just the same, no promises made at all. Instead the bitter truth was finally spoken and the seeds planted less than two weeks ago have withered away.

There will be no more kisses and no more hugs. The only promise of him from now on will be a glimpse of him online and maybe an email from time to time. It was nothing to him, I was nothing to him. I was just another body to fill his down time and then toss away. My hoping was too much, even for me, and I am angry at myself for believing again. Will I ever learn or will I be forever hopeful of true love and romance?

So, it goes, my friends, I am now planning an adventure for myself. All I need is a keyboard and my sobriety. No interruptions to take me out of myself, just myself to keep in the here and now.

No tears this time, no time for tears. I will miss the sweetness of his kiss and the strength of his arms, but I will not fall from grace for not having him again. I am used to not having him, even when he was here. There is nothing new to be learned by me. Just the same old Roger, doing the same old thing.

So, the only other thing I have to decide is what will I write about now? I need time to decide.

Caio for now, my dearest Lover and my friends.