A rose is a rose is a rose. Sweet, fragrant, smooth and silky. That is me. That is how I feel right now, alive, sweet, blossoming with promise. All good things come to those who wait. How I pray that I have waited long enough. I feel the need to be rescued again, but unlike in the beginning, I also feel the need to be the rescuer. For him, always for him.

We spoke for over an hour last night and it was wonderful. The laughter, the emotions, the truth that I finally heard and not the bull that he is so used to throwing out at me. It was refreshing to hear him be so honest and be him and speak with him again. There was something so familiar about it all, but it also seemed new and alive with promise. The topics varied, the jokes were stale, the connection was real and long overdue for both of us. Somethings you can never dismiss. And as I have learned, some connections that just simply never leave you. Try as you might to wipe them away from your memory or your heart, they remain there, dormant and waiting, until the time that the sun will shine on them again and let them run free again.

So it was. I laughed again and it was great. Laughing in and of itself is a great way to heal, and to laugh, for me with him, was healing in his arms. The beginning, because everything needs a beginning, of something more, even if it is the beginning of the end, I still feel exceptionally lucky to have finally had that admission of truth. To , at last, know I was not imagining everything, that I was seeing the lies unfold in front of me, and it wasn't my fault. So, even if it were closure or the start of it, I can relax my mind for once and know that the hurt, maybe not intentional, was still acknowledged as purposefully inflicted on me. You see, roger doesn't want to hurt, at times he doesn't even know he does, but he does chose his actions consciously.

And I will be grateful for that. No one can ever know the impact of this one life on so many others, especially mine. And he will always be there. Some things are just not meant to end. Ever.

So just for today I will remain in a peaceful state of mind. I will close my eyes and say a prayer for him, my mom, my friends, my family and myself. Thanking whoever it is for hearing my prayers, and making them come true. I will focus on the positiveness of my life and not dwell in the past and the hurts. I will be the best person, for me, that I can be. And that's enough.

Maybe I don't need the whole fairy tale, the happy-ever-after, maybe I do. But one thing I am certain about right now, is that I do need to know and feel and touch the beauty of him. I need to know, right now, in this minute, that he is still here. And that alone, will make for a wonderful day.

Caio for now.