Yes, I went to the party. It was actually very nice. Dancing, food, raffles. Guess who won the biggest jackpot of the evening? ME!!! I have to say it was quite a suprise. So for all the shopping I did yesterday, everything was free!

One of my girlfriends suggested I buy a flat screen tv, don't need one yet, Another said I should go on trip. Not yet, still don't want to go away without him. Would love to go to Puerto Rico with him. He's online now, don't know where though, probably under his alias on yahoo. Or perhaps playing poker, or perhaps using his new video thing to do god knows what with god knows who. I really wish he knew about this blog.

Why is it that women on the internet are so sleazy that they meet men on here for just sex? Doesn't anyone have any morals or ethics anymore? Not to say that the men who troll them are upstanding citizens, far from it. I speak from experience.

Also, in case anyone cares, I did not sneak away early last night, I did not drink. I danced, cried a little in the beginning, wondering where he was, with who, etc. Who did he meet online the other day when he was online for for hours in that I love older men chat room? But, I got over it, I had a nice time. I won money. Maybe it ws an omen, maybe I should go to Atlantic City monday. I think I just might. First though, I should probably buy some lottery tickets for tonight.

I still want to calll him and ask him what's new, ask him if he has any plans this evenings. We used to go dancing alot, We danced while we cleaned the apartment, we danced in grocery stores, we even danced in hospitals, in the elevator!!! We danced on the streets of Manhattan, oh that reminds, I wanted to go to Manhattan tonight, well it's raining, maybe I'll go to brunch there tomorrow. Now that sounds like a do-able plan. Hey, you never know.

It just isn't any fun without sharing it with anyone. Especially him. He affected me in so many ways, That when I do meet new men, I tend to do that comparison thing, that's unfair to me and to the other guy more.

Ii wish and pray in my heart that he would just call me. Once.

Well, have four visiting rugrats here with me right now, making a huge pasta dinner, spaghetti, meatballs, sausage, the works. Have to go play.

As always, please say a prayer for me and wish me well.

Caio for now.