I'm getting a little frustrated with this blog site. I know I wrote yesterday and yet there isn't anything to be found dated November 1. Also, trying to get a url link to put on my profile page under aol and I just can't get it that far, now no one willl know where to go to read it. Feel like I might as well go back to writing in a book I can just throw in drawer. (This was the whole point of starting a journal on line.) I wanted a place to release my emotions, be cathartic, and hopefully get his attention, if only to his shortcomings, really that was all I wanted.

Had a panic attack yesterday, first time in quite awhile actually. Went to Kohl's and became increasingly agitated every time I saw an attractive woman. Is it her, I thought, is she one of them? Is it past with her or present? Then I got nervous about seeing his friends in there or Dan's wife. Don't really know how I would have reacted. Had to leave really quickly as my head was starting to hurt. Then I shared way too much at my meeting last night. Not that I can do anything about that now.

All I know is I would really like to wake up next to him sometimes and I hate that I can't.

Well, have to go to church right now, life is calling. Pray for me, my friends, as I pray for all of you.

Caio for now.