I wrote a lengthy, very well-worded post earlier this morning. I have been trying to be honest with myself and feel every emotion that washes over me. I want to know the what and meaning of each day right now, comparing them to my past. What feelings do I have now that I don't want, or embrace, or can't figure out. So I wrote a precise, right-on-point post, but I do not want to publish it just yet. Instead I think I'll keep it to myself and read it again. Sometimes going back over something allows a different perspective on things. I might have been angry about certain things that I am no longer angry at now. So I'll keep it for myself. Perhaps at a later time I will share it.

I am not sure how today will unfold. I have lingering doubts fluttering in my mind. I am trying to remain optimistic. I am hoping, as always, for the best.

I am daydreaming about traveling together and re-connecting with my former lover and best friend. I wish I were waking up next to him right now. I already miss him. I suppose I just have to wait and see.

There are other things to do that will keep my mind occupied and free of my thoughts of him. I have a life that I tried so hard to get back now, that I mustn't mess up in any way.

He cannot have more priority than anything else right now and I would be a fool to allow it at all.

I would love to walk in white sand with him along crystal blue waters holding his hand.

I would love to dress up for him like I used to and go to the best restaurants there are.
I would really love to go to the angel restaurant and order veal parmigian. I loved it when we would go there, it was always a very special place for me.

So I am here, in the moment, not knowing what to write it seems, sorry my friends. perhaps I will come back later and tell of my day.

Caio for now.